My last post was nearly 5 months ago. Blogging has always been essentially been for me first, a cathartic process of letting out my feelings and emotions; so without the need to do this I have stopped writing. Today I feel compelled to write again, after having a deeply distressing low day yesterday I feel the need to write to process.
So the isolation from everybody because of the coronavirus has now been going on nearly 3 weeks. It’s been a strange, hard, unique and joyful time! I’ve found the complete range of emotions mind boggling! I’ll start with the difficulties and challenges.
1. My parents are struggling but putting on a brave face. They are both in their 70’s so trying to stay at home apart from a daily walk. This would be hard in itself, but when you throw into the mix my mum is the carer for my dad who has Alzheimer’s it is extremely distressing for them both. All of his groups have obviously been cancelled and my mum’s breakaway trips to the gym are off too so it’s hard as there is no rest bite. He can’t do anything for himself and there are many added challenges too private to share here. I’m doing all their shopping and calling them twice a day. I have also encouraged my brothers to call them as often as they can.
2. My mother in law lives on her own and is lonely. Once again we try to call her twice a day and do FaceTime. Once again we have been doing all her shopping for her.
Both my mum, dad and mother in law have been in tears multiple times over the last 3 weeks. I know I am inclined for feeling empathy for others but worrying about these people has been really affecting me recently as I just wish I could do more to help them all.
3. Young children at home! My boys are 6 (in year 2 at school) and 4 (still at nursery). They have generally been great (I will go into the positives shortly) but it has also been a real challenge. The youngest doesn’t want to work as “we don’t do work at nursery”, the eldest has a strop every 5 mins “I can’t do it”. All I can say is hats off to all you parents trying to do some form of education at home. I’m a teacher (something I love) but teaching my own children is pushing me to the limit (and we only do 20 min chunks). Also when we don’t do work at the weekends and have no schedule they are worse! The initial novelty of being at home is wearing thin. They are “bored” and no matter what I come up with it lasts 5 mins or they aren’t interested! I’ve done bike rides, walks, learning, computer education, movie afternoons, puzzles, train tracks, Lego games, board games, making batman crafts, making Easter cards, making elmers, treasure hunts, obstacle courses, the list is endless! Yesterday when I had a minor meltdown it was because their low mood got to me. The eldest in particular was so sad and teary because he was missing his friends and grandparents. I felt this so much because there is nothing I can do to make it right, other than cuddle him which I did!
4. My husband. I love him so much but two people inclined to depression together on a lockdown can be tough. He like me is moody, up and down like a yo-yo and snappy. I’m not accusing him of anything I’m not like myself, we are both as bad as each other but it’s tough. He is like a caged bear at times, before this always known as the restless one who was constantly popping to the shop to get something. He is also not so creative with the children. He is a great dad but believes in letting them play all the time, whereas I like to do little things with them and then letting them play. It’s hard because I feel like I’m coming up with all the ideas myself.
5. We are having a house extension. It has been seriously slowed due to the lockdown. The windows and doors were meant to be delivered the day after lockdown started, they have not arrived. We have been living in a building site (inside and out).
So let’s not end up on the negative! There have been some unexpected positives too. My beautiful boys really are the light of my life. I have in general loved spending more time with them. Highlights have been bouncing on the trampoline, racing in the garden, playing tennis, snuggling on the sofa, having late night adventures, making cakes together and being with them. My husband and I have signed up to Disney + and started watching all the marvel films in chronological order, which has been great; mummy and daddy alone time in the evening snuggling down for a film. Finally although there building works on our house are slow, I keep trying to think of the finished project and my contentment when it is all over!
Lockdown is tough for people for all sorts of reasons but it also has its added positives.
Most importantly the sacrifices are worth it to rid our country of the coronavirus.
I keep thinking of someone I know who is the lead nurse of icu at our local hospital. He must be having such a tough time at work right now but he never complains. We just need to stay at home, it’s our bit to help the fight! It’s our job! We can do it! Stay at home and save lives!