Tonight I am babysitting for my neighbours one year old. It feels really weird. They are our attached neighbours so just the other side of the living room wall is my husband watching tv in our house.
I’m watching continuum on Netflix. I’m on series 3 of 4 and I am really enjoying it. Over the last year I age done less reading and more tv watching. It is like the depression has ensured that I can’t concentrate long enough for a book but being transported into another world by tv is great. However at times even this doesn’t work take my mind off things.
So far this evening I have marked year 7 assessments. Planned a task for my year 12 lesson tomorrow and planned my lessons for next week. I know that if I solely watch tv my mind is going to wander. Now I’m writing this blog post, another strategy!
It is ridiculous really. I love this tv series but I’m scared of letting my mind go. Sometimes when it starts I can’t stop it. Right now if I was at home I would be in bed. I like to go to bed early in the evening. I don’t necessarily sleep but I find being in bed a chance to chill out and relax.
Instead I am in my neighbours front room. I really love our neighbours. Similar age to us, children of a similar age to ours, similar interests and also very chilled out like we are. But it still isn’t my house! A classic example I’m in my clothes when usually at this time I would be in my pyjamas!
I can feel my mind racing behind my concentration on this blog. Will their son wake up? What will I do if he does? Will he be ok with me being here? Will I be able to sleep when I get home or will my mind still race? Will my cold feel worse tomorrow because my chest is hurting tonight? And don’t even start me on the questions that are racing in my head about my day at work tomorrow!
My mind is my own worse enemy. It is certainly relentless!