It started pretty normally…being woken at 6:30am by my 2 year old son shouting poo poo- this means he has done multiple wees and his nappy is full.
I woke with dread because a man was coming to clean our oven this afternoon. My husband had arranged it. I hate people in my house and i was dreading it.
Walking my eldest to school and the day seem to be taking a very familiar almost mundane line. The normality of it all was quite refreshing. When I am feeling so poorly at the moment it is easier to drift not having to think too much.
My back was sore and aching. It’s pain was weird it was making me feel sick. This isn’t the first time my back deteriorates as the stress and depression worsen.
Normality continued : Tesco’s, washing, cleaning, tidying. The jobs that just ensure the house keeps ticking over. After lunch my mum came to look after Thomas whilst I went for some blood tests.
Well here it all went a little pear shaped. They always struggled to get blood out of me! I think it now causes me to get worked up prior to going in! It took 4 attempts for them to succeed this time. I was so embarrassed because after the 2nd attempt I came over all faint and sick. I hate being made a fuss of.
When I arrived home the man had arrived to clean the oven. My mum mouthed to me he is a little weird. He certainly was and loved to talk. I was thankful though as I had to go out soon to pick up my eldest from school, surely he would nearly be done by the time I got back.
No when I got back he was still going! My mum kept texting me asking me if he was gone. I kept saying think he is going to be sleeping here tonight. The amount of small talk I had to make was impossible. The anxiety levels were through the roof.
At 6:25pm he finally left the building! 4 and a half hours he had been on the job. Yes my oven is spotless. It is shining. It is sparkling. But seriously!
This meant everything in our house was delayed. My husband out at a parents evening. Me left feeling stressed about the time and getting the boys bathed and put to bed.
I snapped at my two boys as their own tiredness meant they had no patience for each other. And now I feel like I have run a marathon when in fact I have done hardly anything today. I am exhausted from the anxiety. I am exhausted from the adrenaline. I am exhausted of today.
p.s. I forgot on the way home from school my 4 year old declared he wanted to be Gordon (the tank engine) for number day at school tmrw. Hence the major adhoc craft process after school tonight (see image)